I hated publications like Busted Magazine.
Hate them. I have never even taken a peek at one. With all my MANY MANY short comings..entertaining myself with other people’s misery is not one of my flaws. I have not been in Busted Mag…YET. Hope to never make it there..am not so arrogant to pretend that I won’t. I should have been arrested for public drunkenness..oh, I don’t know HUNDREDS of times. I am loud and obnoxious sober..I once had a date tell me and one of my best gals that we should have “asshole just add liquor” tattooed on our foreheads to warn people. And I NEVER passed out. NEVER. Oh..would that have been a better option. I just kept going and going and making a hind end of myself. I never was bad to drive. I had a cab driver, Willie, programmed into my cell. I would call and say “Willlllliiiieeeee!!!” at 100 decibels and he would say “where you at hun” and so it went. But I am ABSOLUTELY sure that there has been a time or two that I would not have passed a breathalyzer. I have been thisclose to a bar fight. My sweetest girlfriend had ENOUGH of this jealous scag giving her the stank eye and called her out. As in “Do you have a problem?” “I might” “then I think we need to take it outside” This was a wowzer moment. I was a little tipsy..not really wanting to roll around on the pavement..but EVERY good Soddy girl knows you can’t back down. So when mean girl’s friend started sizing me up, I just looked her dead in the eye and said “If your friend has a problem with my friend..well, you are probably going to have a problem with me” ole girl grabbed her friend and high tailed it out of there. Otherwise..I might have made some publishment like Busted. Hey..what can I say..I am the friend that ends up in jail WITH you. Now I am not going to call my girl out..but after that I said her theme song should be the one with the lyrics “I don’t fight, I don’t argue..I just hit that B&t%h with a bottle..you didn’t think I’d do it because I look like a model.” I am telling you..PERFECT song for her!
I am proud for all you people who always make the right decisions. Who never have been somewhere you were not suppose to be doing something you should have never been doing. I am sure it gives you a lot of time to sit at home and surf the Internet looking for arrest reports. I am NOT afraid to say this out loud. GET A LIFE. No really GET A LIFE. Today. I have felt this way for a long time. But it is one of those opinions I have kept to myself. It is offensive. It applies to some people near and dear to my heart. Today I know someone who was hurt and I want to take a public stance. Someone sweet. Someone who didn’t deserve it. So here is where I am going to be proactive and tell all of you people who read this and say she DID deserve it because she screwed up to put down Busted and go read your Bible. Ask yourself what would Jesus do. I can almost guarantee you it wouldn’t be rejoice in someone else’s misfortune. I have PMS. I am a little testy. But it doesn’t change the fact that if people quit reading that trash it wouldn’t be published. Remember this, you only have to be ACCUSED..not GUILTY to have your bright and shiny mug published for all to see. So it COULD be you or one of your kids that end up there next month.
Ok..I am through ranting..but if I make Busted Mag..call me..I will autograph it for you.
